


Hadaka (Naked)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Introspection, Loneliness, M/M, Masturbation, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 07:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15600966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Days got more and more tiring, and he couldn’t go on  like this, always with the same images in his mind, always with the same feeling of incompleteness, the same will to do something, before having to surrender to the fact that he couldn’t.He was alone.





	Hadaka (Naked)

Chinen looked around.

He wasn’t feeling like doing anything.

When he had started living on his own, he had thought he would've handled that, somehow.

He had never thought one day he would've ended up feeling alone, that he would've missed having someone with him. That he would've felt almost like crying because of it.

But he just hadn't felt the solitude until he had had someone to miss.

He knew with whom he would've liked to be, he knew what he would've liked to do; and the fact that he couldn’t, drove him crazy.

That day hadn't gotten off in the best of ways, and had went on even worse.

Since Yuya and Hikaru had told them they were together, every day had just looked worse than the one before.

Chinen watched them, even distractedly, without meaning to, and he saw them happy.

Yuya was happy.

And his loneliness became more suffocating, more oppressing, as if he could never get out of it.

Yuri was tired.

Tired of that situation, tired of having to watch, tired of that happiness that was never going to belong to him.

He sighed, bringing his hands through his hair and pulling on them, trying to keep himself in control.

Then he headed toward the bathroom, turning on the hot water and taking his clothes off.

Once naked, he looked at himself in the mirror.

Disgusted, he punched it, getting no other result but to hurt himself.

How could Yuya ever find him attractive?

He was just a kid, a kid who had never been too good at dealing with his own shortcomings.

Yuya had Hikaru, didn’t he?

Hikaru wasn’t a kid, Hikaru didn’t have those childish features, that thin body, that innocent look which fit Yuri so little.

Chinen hated him.

He hated Hikaru and he hated himself and his look, and everything which kept him from Yuya, which had always prevented him from making a move on him.

He hated that he wasn’t even allowed a chance with him.

He harshly pulled on the shower curtain, getting under the hot water.

He closed his eyes, brushing his hands over his face to push his hair off.

He was tired, exhausted.

Days got more and more tiring, and he couldn’t go on like this, always with the same images in his mind, always with the same feeling of incompleteness, the same will to do something, before having to surrender to the fact that he couldn’t.

He was alone.

And he was destined to be so, because there was nothing getting him closer to Takaki, no sign from him which could've convinced him that there could be something between them.

Yuya had Hikaru, and Yuri had never even been an option for him.

He thought about Takaki, because imagination was all that was allowed to him.

He brushed his hands down his chest, clenching his eyes and letting go completely.

He saw Yuya and his hands on a body that wasn’t his own, but Chinen had gotten good at keeping that image out of his mind, switching Hikaru’s skin with his own, replacing his voice, his moans.

He quickly brought his fingers down, past his navel and his groin, brushing his hardening cock.

He wrapped his hand around it and started stroking it slowly, his eyes still closed, letting his mind wander toward its usual goal.

Yuya, naked, there in front of him, Yuya touching him, Yuya brushing his fingers all over his body, Yuya looking at him, turned on, as if he was unable to resist him, as if all he wanted was to have him.

Yuya as he had never seen him, as he was never going to see him, but it didn’t matter now.

All that mattered was his imagination, his arousal, feeling those fingers on his body and believing they didn’t belong to him, managing to think about him, while his hand moved faster and the image of Takaki in front of him got more vivid, more real, good at convincing him it was true.

He leant against the shower tiles, while the scorching hot water hit his body, adding up to that feeling of intoxication, of arousal, making him move his hand with more urge around himself until he came with a chocked moan, murmuring Yuya’s name.

He kept his eyes closed a short while longer, trying to breathe properly, to calm down, to get a grip.

In the end he opened them, frowning and washing up, as if he couldn’t wait to get out and go to sleep.

Once he was done he wore his bathrobe, wrapping himself in that comfortable embrace, while he looked in the mirror again.

“You’re pathetic, Yuri.” he murmured to his reflection, without any rage or grudge, only resignation.

There was no way out of that love, and he knew that.

He could just go on like that, alone and sad, convincing himself that his imagination was real, that those were Yuya’s fingers, that the elder was there with him, that he wanted to be.

He got to the bedroom, hanging the bathrobe over the mirror there, because for that night he didn’t want to be reminded again of how he looked, to be reminded that it was part of what kept him away from the man he loved.

He laid on the bed, naked as he was, no will to cover himself up.

What was the point in hiding?

No one was going to be there with him that night.

 


End file.
